I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
