Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
