I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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