When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize