I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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