Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
