your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We won't sleep together?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
