This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
