Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You ate ashes out of my bong
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
