I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
