This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
