Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
