It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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