True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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