If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
