Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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