WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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