Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
