stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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