I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
