I faked an abortion last night.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
