im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
