Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
