So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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