happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
NoShamevember. You game?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize