I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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