I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
