did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
