what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize