I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My Higher Power is John Stamos
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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