if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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