He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
