Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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