just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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