she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
