hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
