so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
