He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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