Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
