You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
