I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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