At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drake has all the answers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
