just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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