is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize