Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
