I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
