ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
