Someone shit on the floor
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
