i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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