I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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