If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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