i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
only you would photoshop your dick
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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