he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
