well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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