She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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