So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
