If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
