Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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