If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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