Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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