Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
