if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
