i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i now understand why vodka
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
