I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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