Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
