I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I looked at my own cervix.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
