I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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