If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize