Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
