matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
